tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post3847126399769254489..comments2023-10-25T05:54:21.098-04:00Comments on Guess Who's Coming To Dinner: Shabbos with Young Children - Let's Not Lose the BeautyG6http://www.blogger.com/profile/15932781801654313054noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-85431510646885353202014-04-07T16:41:05.858-04:002014-04-07T16:41:05.858-04:00BLD- The malachim who went to went to Avrohom Avei...BLD- The malachim who went to went to Avrohom Aveinu certainly did not need the food that he prepared and we out the halachos of Hachnosos Orchim from him.YWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-20338668638959802042014-04-07T16:30:30.260-04:002014-04-07T16:30:30.260-04:00The great Rosh Yeshivha of ponevezh, Rav Shach Z&q...The great Rosh Yeshivha of ponevezh, Rav Shach Z"l, is quoted as saying that the reason that his son did not turn out the way he would have liked him to turn out, is that during his shabbos meals he spent with his head in a gemorah and other seforim. He said that if he would have spent the shabbos meals singing zemiros and make it more kid friendly, his son could have turned out to be a godol like him. YWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-88380512889148502152014-03-27T01:46:56.839-04:002014-03-27T01:46:56.839-04:00Are married friends considered Hachnosos Orchim if...Are married friends considered Hachnosos Orchim if they can make their own Shabbos Table ? I always wonder about that. I dont think so.BLDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-35651401081810182582014-03-18T09:53:46.300-04:002014-03-18T09:53:46.300-04:00I received the following via email and thought I m...I received the following via email and thought I might share it in the comments section:<br />"Our daughter's friend has this website. Maybe it could help the person who needs assistance with her children to enjoy Shabbos.Kol tuv and Happy Purim.<br />https://plot4shabbat.com/"G6https://www.blogger.com/profile/15932781801654313054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-31803363586735688862014-03-05T13:05:28.198-05:002014-03-05T13:05:28.198-05:00I was going to give my lengthy opinion, not unlike...I was going to give my lengthy opinion, not unlike the opinions of many previous posters.<br />But then I decided to read the orginal blog, by doing a cut/paste of some key sentences that you posted.<br />And when I found the blog, and saw that the original poster titled her blog post with the "F" word in it, I decided that pretty much sums up why she has such difficult and unpleasant Friday nights.<br /><br />If you don't set yourself apart from the non-jewish world in your actions and your speech, the spirituality of your home is compromised.<br /><br />Yes. I am saying using bad language, even on a blog, tells me something small about how you live and what goes on in your home, every day. Not just on Shabbos.daughtersintheparshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17727740238002109141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-7364739807557606602014-03-05T04:01:53.870-05:002014-03-05T04:01:53.870-05:00I don't remember where I saw that original pie...I don't remember where I saw that original piece, but I saw it too. And I thought wow too bad, like they really missed the train.<br /><br />I agree with the previous commenter who said kids are going to fight but it's my attitude that preserves my appreciation for Shabbos.<br /><br />Also, for many years most of the time the kids didn't care we were singing zmiros, and we didn't always have the energy to do it (and we didn't). But once in a while a kid just sits and sings with us and asks for more - and it's all worth it.<br /><br />It also takes both parents to invest a little on this. If either or both are only thinking "when can we get those kids to sleep so we can have our own rest time" it just doesn't work. I come out of Shabbos a little more tired, with a lot more dirty dishes, and I just accept that. <br /><br />Now that we have some kids over 10 we see much more of the fruits of our labors. But that also means some of them ask us to play looong board games.....Minoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-68497997740619651842014-03-04T20:04:26.203-05:002014-03-04T20:04:26.203-05:00I'm so glad you posted this. I was also very d...I'm so glad you posted this. I was also very demoralized to see the original quoted and agreed with by some of my friends. If this is the way things are, then it's no wonder kids grow up and choose different paths... We live in a small community where we do outreach. I have two sets of twins and a singleton and there are only five years between the oldest and youngest so I feel quite qualified to comment. We developed a whole system, partly because we are in a community where there isn't excitement about shabbos, and partly because I had a clear idea of how I wanted the family to be... we start the excitement with a special little treat in the lunchbox Friday morning in honour of shabbos... and an erev shabbos treat (still known, as the shabbospretreat) when everyone has cleaned up enough on Friday afternoon (speaking very small things here and it only works if you're not giving a ton of treats all week) - we made a decision to call it Shabbos Kodesh, always, not just shabbos, because it gives such a strong message to them about how we feel - I use real linens etc, but still let the children help at every level they are capable, even if they mess up the napkins that I so carefully ironed... (I've given up ironing them in the last few years)..We cut out the fish course years ago because they couldn't sit through it - likewise, I was mevater on Aishet Chayil to keep things moving when they were smaller.. before they started school, they would come to the fruit store on my shopping trips and choose a fruit that was l'kavod shabbos - all during the week we would be doing things that built up shabbos... and we have a million guests... I don't do separate kid-meals, and I love to cook, but I use recipes that are friendly to children as well and have slowly become more sophisticated again as their palates allowed - I made some dishes that they didn't love, but there was always something that everyone would like on the table... because of the twins, now they are in school, we get identical parsha sheets - even this, we divide so each child gets a turn to present on Friday night and a turn on Saturday and switch it each week.... everyone should own the book, "Around the shabbos table" where the moral is no matter what no matter where, I'll be happy anywhere....Things go wrong - they used to fight about who got to wash first, so we made an order for each week... each child takes a course to clear... now the children are older, they sometimes disappear to the sofa now and then, but get herded back periodically. I don't always feel in the mood for shabbos because I too am a flawed person, but I don't think that I have ever let my children have the slightest sense that shabbos is hard exhausting work for me and that I don't always feel like guests, because that's really my problem to deal with (and I could choose no guests) and I want them to only feel the excitement and pleasure of shabbos... my children LOVE shabbos. They are now 12, 10x2 and 7x2. People are very afraid to parent today, and they don't realize that they are no longer the children, and are in fact the ones who set the limits.... I'm so glad you addressed this....SarahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-1006438203952022742014-03-03T19:38:19.877-05:002014-03-03T19:38:19.877-05:00I agree wholeheartedly with your response to this ...I agree wholeheartedly with your response to this woman, G6.I agree that it's a parenting issue, but I would posit something else.<br /><br />I am willing to bet that this woman does not love Shabbos and Yom Tov herself, and that coupled with her kids behavior resulted in her posts, her attitude and her kids' attitudes. Do my kids fight on Shabbos? You betcha. Do I let it effect my Shabbos, my prep,or anything? No way. I love Shabbos too much. Kids are going to be kids, and they will only love Shabbos if they have a parent who doesn't resent it, who embraces it, and doesn't have expectations that are unrealistic.<br /><br />I remember a few years ago reading one of the serialized stories in Mishpacha magazine, and the scene was one of a "normal" Shabbos table. What does that mean? That not everything was perfect. <br /><br />You just can't blame Shabbos. You can blame the Jewish media and fiction for usually painting a picture of perfection that often does not happen with small children. It doesn't have to be perfect.<br /> It just has to be yours, and yours with love.<br /> FBBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14505082368362325039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-84041022082927075072014-03-03T19:20:54.864-05:002014-03-03T19:20:54.864-05:00Fantastic post- thanks for getting it out there!...Fantastic post- thanks for getting it out there!Faygienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-4808961781629989752014-03-03T18:45:23.833-05:002014-03-03T18:45:23.833-05:00Unfortunately, this is indeed the state of affairs...Unfortunately, this is indeed the state of affairs in many, many homes -- I would say the majority. Parents have ceased being parents, having imbibed popular theories of the last 50 years which dictate that disciplining somehow harms children.Yehudahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-29431373782173301002014-03-03T16:04:38.691-05:002014-03-03T16:04:38.691-05:00I can't believe someone is claiming that it...I can't believe someone is claiming that it's the fault of Shabbos that her kids are brats. That is certainly a new theory. <br /><br />Yeah, kids can be a pain, so that is why they have PARENTS to teach them how to behave. Like she was such a pleasure when she was young? Or did her mother not put up with any monkey business? <br /><br />If a child storms away from the table, big whoop. He is only doing that because he knows a parent is going to come running after him. I would think it would be a pleasure to have a child sulking in his room. Call his bluff and leave him alone. He'll sheepishly be out of there in five minutes, tops.<br /><br />Nearly every situations she cites, like how the kids "suddenly" fight about who gets to sit near the parents, is a power play. And she gives in to them time and time again. <br /><br />The point of Shabbos is Shabbos, not the Shabbos meal. This poor woman needs to get her parenting skills down pat. I am embarrassed for her that she blames Shabbos for her own missteps. <br /><br />I would add if there are really small children still, she would be better off putting them to bed instead of keeping them up for a meal. Tired kids misbehave; that's what they do. They can bond at Shabbos lunch. <br /><br />Nice Shabbos meals isn't about the food. It's about the tone. Parents set that. Princess Leahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17217157534383672867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-43737760935217943232014-03-03T14:51:50.224-05:002014-03-03T14:51:50.224-05:00Uuuugh, that article really annoyed me when I read...Uuuugh, that article really annoyed me when I read it a few weeks ago! I also found it kind of intimidating because my kids are still too little to fight about these silly things she speaks of. BUT I know better. I don't know what really goes on in her house but really? Every week? The same thing? Come on. For the time being we all look forward to shabbos in my house and I just hope she can figure something out!Alisonhttp://bigalspad.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8360283326769930021.post-58429415188577321602014-03-03T12:03:20.082-05:002014-03-03T12:03:20.082-05:00Great post!! I would add that giving each child a ...Great post!! I would add that giving each child a task / responsibility for the shabbat table helps with keeping them there. It gives them pride -"I put out the napkins", "I stirred the ice tea" etc.<br /><br />Yes, I had many Shabbatot like those of the original author. But when I made an effort to include my young kids and have Shabbat in a way that spoke to them it went so much easier.<br /><br />If the parents foster a positive attitude the kids will too. The opposite works just as well, sadly.HSaboMilnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16373035411793236648noreply@blogger.com