How Graduation Ties Into Fathers' Day

Today is Fathers' Day and I've spoken previously about why I feel it important to commemorate such days, even for frum people.

Hakaras Hatov is a lesson that cannot be taught too frequently.

This leads me right in to the second part of today's post.

Today is Jennifer's Middle School Graduation.

A milestone to be sure {though some members of the family can't resist a well placed guffaw at this juncture} in the life of a teenage girl.

What should she take away from this day?

Yitzchak Alderstein has a wonderful post on Cross-Currents on this topic and he includes remarks made by Dean Victor Gold at Loyola Law School's commencement exercises this year.

I am including his words here, for they contain quintessential truths about Hakaras Hatov.

"I do not remember who spoke at my law school graduation and I do not recall what was said. I remember only one thing, the serious expression on my parents’ faces after the ceremony.

As I stood there in my cap and gown, I thought that I looked like a clown so I did a little dance as a joke. My mom shot me a dirty look that told me, this is no joke. This is important to us. So I stopped dancing.

Neither my mother nor father ever had the chance to go to college, much less law school. Mom was an immigrant. Dad had to quit high school to go to work. They married during the Depression and had my sister and brother by the time Dad was drafted and went off to war. Their lives were hard. So my graduation from law school was no joke to them. I could see written in their faces the years of sacrifice that made my graduation possible and the pride they took in that accomplishment.

This is all I remember about my law school graduation but it taught me everything I needed to learn that day. It was simply this – be grateful. Be grateful for those people who helped you get here. For most of you, they are your parents, a spouse or significant other, maybe a friend or a teacher. Maybe it was a law professor or even a dean. Thurgood Marshall said, “None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here only because somebody bent down and helped pick us up.”

If the people who helped you are with you today, here is the first thing you have to do after all these speeches are over. Run to them. Find them. Give them a hug and say thank you. Then here is the next thing I want you to do. Take some photos with them. When you start to feel sorry for yourself in a few weeks as you are studying for the bar, take those photos out and look at them. Be grateful all over again. It will get you through the tough times that lie ahead.

After you become a successful lawyer, whenever you start feeling full of yourself, when you think you are G-d’s gift to the law, take out those photos again. Be grateful again. If those people are still around, call them and say thank you all over again. It will make you a better lawyer.

And finally, I want you to do one more thing. During the rest of your life, every time you look at the photos you take today, ask yourself this question: Does someone have a photo of you that reminds them of what they have to be grateful for? If the answer is no, then look around for someone who needs your help. Bend down and help lift them up. If the answer is yes, someone can be grateful for the help you have given to them, that is when you can stand up and do a little dance."

So Mazel Tov, my dear Jennifer.

May you reach great heights in your life and always be mindful of those who contributed to your successes.

And Happy Fathers' Day, dear Avram. So far - a job well done! Do a little dance.