This Was Forwarded To Me By Shellie

I'm not usually accustomed to posting forwards, but I found this one particularly interesting. In section 3, I highly recommend reading the linked Chananya Weisman article as well....

Societal Suggestions to Alleviate the Shidduch Crisis
by Hillel Fendel

It has become commonplace to discuss the marriage crisis that exists in Jewish-religious society, wherein too many men and women who wish to be married are not. Various causes have been cited, largely having to do with Western values, over-choosiness, mis-matched potential partner pools, modern society, poor dating skills, and many more. While a proliferation of books, articles, seminars and more are offered to help singles improve their spouse-finding skills, the following article lists four methods that have been suggested as societal solutions. Far from exhaustive, the list is meant to foster discussion and action.

1. Community shabbatonim (Based on an article written by Jewish communal volunteer activist Michael Feldstein): Hold singles Shabbatonim not as a weekend hotel event with dozens and dozens of singles - but rather in a Jewish community with an active synagogue, and with activities and meals integrated with the community. Singles are divided up into groups of six - three males and three females - for Shabbat meals, which are held at host families' homes. This makes for a much more natural and less pressurized environment for singles to meet and mingle. The singles also participate in Sabbath prayers with the community, and participate in the rabbi's class and the Third Meal. In addition to cost benefits and other advantages, singles increase their networking opportunities by interacting with members of the community.

2. Chananya Weismann, founder of endthemadness.org, quoting his friend Zevi Adler, suggests that when "proposing a match between two singles, the shadchan (matchmaker) says, 'I am so confident that this is someone you should meet that I am giving you $20 to help pay for the date. If you decide to see this person again, give me back the $20. If you ultimately marry this person, then pay me $2,000.'” Advantages: a. The relationship between the single and the shadchan becomes a partnership infused with professionalism and mutual respect, instead of shadchan-single condescension. b. Once the shadchan has proven that s/he has carefully researched his/her suggestion, and is willing to put money on it, it will be reasonable to expect singles to invest their own time, money, and energy on the suggestion. c. It is a wise investment for the shadchan, who will save time and effort in having to persuade singles to go out on the date. After all, the single will say to himself, “If the shadchan is willing to take a chance, then I’ll take a chance on it, too.” More dates will result, the shadchan's success rate will increase, and the investment will pay for itself many times over. d. Shadchanim who are truly serious about their work will have no qualms about investing in their ideas, just as businessmen do on a regular basis. Those who are even marginally successful will not lose - they will get their money back - and are likely to be amply rewarded; those whose suggestions are rarely accepted for even a second date will go out of business, to everyone's advantage.

3. Mixed seating at weddings - as advocated in this article by Chananya Weismann. Rabbi Shlomo Riskin of Efrat writes that though separate-sex seating at a wedding ceremony is halakhically indicated, it can be inferred from Maimonides' ruling that mixed seating at a wedding feast is permitted. "There is another positive aspect to mixed seating at weddings," Rabbi Riskin concludes. "There are often many young single men and women, friends of the bride and groom, who, by sitting together, may meet and which could lead to more weddings, with G-d's help... It goes without saying that there must be a complete separation between men and women during the dancing." Rabbi Aaron Rakefet of Jerusalem has similarly been quoted as saying that those who eat Sabbath meals in mixed company should celebrate their weddings the same way. He cites the "revered Rabbi Yosef Breuer" as saying that "young people should sit together at weddings [because] mitzvah goreret mitzvah [the fulfillment of one commandment leads to the fulfillment of another]. We want people to make shiduchim [matches]. We want boys and girls to meet. We want dates to come out of this [wedding]."

4. Some leading Religious-Zionist Torah scholars in Israel have called for the lowering of the age of marriage. Rabbi Yehoshua Shapira, head of the increasingly popular Yeshivat Ramat Gan, recommends that boys marry before the age of 22, while Rabbi Eliezer Melamed - Yeshiva dean, community rabbi, Halakhic [Jewish legal] decisor, and facilitator of singles events - has recommended that young girls pass up the accepted year or two of post-high school national service in order to be able to marry earlier.

Trying to Be "Dan L'Kaf Zechus"

Maybe it wasn't her who pressed the buttons.............

People Who Need Professional Help Amuse Me

D is a girl who lives in my building. D is supposedly an adult. D doesn't seem to like me, although for the life of me I don't know why. I'm a friendly sort of person....
D never greets me in the elevator in the morning. Moreover, as D pushes passed me to exit the elevator in the morning, she drops the elevator door on me. She then follows up by dropping the main building door on me as well, as we exit the building simultaneously. I've always chalked this up to the fact that perhaps nobody ever taught her manners when she grew up. Perhaps she never had a positive parental role model.....
Today though, D's dysfunction reached an all time high, and although I'm sure she did this to annoy me, she made my day!!!! I overslept this morning and was running late. Jen was in a rush to get to the camp bus stop and refused to leave without me. So Jen went to ring for the elevator as I was collecting my things. The elevator arrived before I did and, just my luck, D was inside. Jen immediately let the door go so that D wouldn't have to wait for my arrival and as the elevator descended, she rang for the elevator again. Wouldn't you know it? D did something I haven't seen since my sons were about 5 years old or so, and trying to annoy each other. D pressed every button in the elevator so that as the elevator returned to the 6th floor to Jen and I, it would first have to stop on each and every floor, thus slowing it's progress. Now, I know that D was trying to annoy me, but I must say that I had an all out belly laugh over it. These are the proud citizens of tomorrow???? These are the "educated singles" in our neighborhood. OK, now granted, most of our singles here wouldn't want to be categorized with D for a host of other reasons, but she really gives young adults a poor name.
But in any case, D, if you're out there THANK YOU!!! You made my day!!!! (... though in all seriousness, I think perhaps you should seek some professional help....)

I've Been "Blogrolled"!

I was surprised to find out that I've been added to the blogroll of somebody whose blog I've never seen, read or heard of. That's not to say I'm not grateful - I AM. It's just that I've always thought that one "asked" to be added, a prospect I was not ever comfortable with. I mean, one should add you because they ENJOY you, not because they'd like reciprocity. I'm not even sure how she found me. But nevertheless, there I am, plain as day, in alphabetical order on the Awesomely Long List of Ortho Blogs. Thanks to the blogger whomever you are. I'd be interested to know how you found me. If any other blogger out there reads and/or enjoys my blog, you may feel free to do likewise, but this time, kindly give me a heads up so that I can thank you :)

The Buzz

You might have noticed that I've been writing a bit less than usual of late. That is because my days/nights/everything in between has been taken up by wedding plans and I have made a conscious effort NOT to expound on the minutiae of these activities.
The main reason for this is Erica and Moshe's privacy. A secondary reason is to avoid sounding like one big colossal kvetch especially since this is a very big brocho and I'm always trying to be conscious about "feeling the moments". And there have been many.... carrying Erica's wedding gown down to the bridal boutique on the A Train, and remembering all the trips on I've taken with my little girl on that very same train, watching Moshe try on his "chosson tallis", choosing wedding invitations, stuffing wedding invitations......
In addition to all the moments that have decorated our days since the engagement, I must also take note of all the colorful people that we've had the fortune/misfortune/amusement to encounter along the way. Like the Printer Lady ("Yogurt R."'s wife) who told us that her husband was so in love w/ Moshe's father that he was coming to the wedding with or without an invitation, the florist who was more interested in Eric's shidduch resume than our order (a short resume though... in her Yiddish accent looking at his loooong resume, "I dunt vant det KREP!"), and the guy from The Buzz today, whose Brooklyn accent was so strong and SO infectious that it took me almost an hour to lose the affectation that wormed its way around to me. Oh, but he was a character, reminding me that to speed things up we should tip the guy who was toveling our purchases BEFORE we stepped out, b/c there wasn't much point in tipping AFTER (more of a bribe than a tip if you ask me....).
My husband often quotes an apropos German phrase: "Die Liebe Gott hatt eine grosse tiergarten" (sp?) {grin}.

Which is Better?

Here's an eternal question for the ages.
Which is better? A great movie with a lousy ending or a lousy movie with an awesome ending. I've spent more time pondering this than I can afford, but I have come to the conclusion that I'll take a lousy movie with an amazing ending any day over the alternative.
Your opinions are welcome and yes, yes, I know.... we ALL prefer a good movie with a good ending.

Is it summer already??!?

Tell me please, how it can be summer already (rosh chodesh Tammuz and everything...) and the first 'official' day of summer has yet to arrive?
This was Binyomin's last Shabbos with us, . We will miss him very much. We DO look forward to Joseph's imminent return though....
Shabbos was very pleasant. We had Craig, Alison and Oma for dinner on Friday night. Moshe stayed in Yeshiva, because he needed to study on Sunday for some big exams.
Michael was also not in attendance, as he was joining Rabbi Friedman on his last "shabbos yeshiva" before the summer. Lunch was a quiet affair, Jen having gone to Oma's house. Shalosh Seudos included the usual crowd - Yosef B, Craig and we were joined towards the end by Binyomin, Nochum G. and another young man. The singing was phenomenal guys! Judy and Nesanel stopped by as well. It was a three hour deal, because the kehilla was having it's annual "I don't speak yiddish but I'm not going to admit it" Shalosh Seudos, where the speaker talks in Yiddish and all the non-yiddish speaking, low self-esteem crowd, sits there nodding emphatically, smiling & pretending, all the while having NO CLUE as to what the speaker is saying. We welcomed everbody who got bored there at our table and not one of them was able to give over a single word of torah when asked..... now I ask you, what's the point of THAT??
Today - Father's Day is hot like the dickens. I bought Avram a really cool chin up bar. He was very excited and made an amazing first attempt at it in his suit and tie :)

The Grass is Always Greener

We had a quiet shabbos this week. No company on Friday night and none for lunch either. {OK, don't bring up the fact that we had Craig and Yosef B for shalosh seudos... that doesn't count... it's a set thing...} We all caught up on some much needed sleep, I will say that. I even finished my (long overdue) book.
Don't get me wrong... we all needed this weekend, but it certainly makes us remember why we love the busy fuller meals. Last Friday night we had Binyomin, Lester, Moshe, Chava, Megan and Oma. It was Lester's last Shabbos in America and we wanted to make it special. Binyomin will be graduating soon and moving on to Yeshiva, but he really has become like a "third son" this year (or rather as Erica says, "he's the brother I never had".... WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!? If I were Michael or Joseph, I might be mildly insulted....).
Binny came by to say goodbye before he goes off to the Israeli Army. When did they grow up? I guess I blinked. No more blinking....

Michael's Graduation

Breuer's on Shavuos

So Who *IS* Coming to Dinner??

.... well ... if you had asked me that question Thanksgiving Weekend 2005, I might have prophetically answered, "my future son-in-law". The thing is, I had no idea............
Yes, Lester was (finally) joining us for a Thanksgiving Shabbos (after the fiasco cancellation of 2004). There were a host of others coming to help polish off the turkey and fixings when, at the last minute, Lester calls and asks if he can "bring a friend". Another Lester? Can we really take two at a time? "Sure, the more the merrier".... And are we ever glad!
Thus began a year and a half long odyssey worthy of "Small Miracles". Hashem really does have a hand in shidduchim and He really does engineer the world. Our Hachnosas Orchim was rewarded with one of the most valuable gifts.
The Bas Kol went out......... we just needed to hear it!
Mazal tov Erica and Moshe!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chol Hamoed at the Circus

So we went to the Ringling Brothers Chol Hamoed Pesach Spectacular - complete with performances by Uncle Moishy, Yeshiva Boys Choir, Bello the Clown (of course) and an all male cast suitable for most every level of observance.

I'm not sure how to effectively convey my feelings on this event but I will say that my Jewish Bretheren, as far as I could tell, did not create a chillul Hashem, which was something that often happens at such large gatherings.
I will also say that such an extravaganza - the entire Madison Square Garden, full of only frum Jews, selling only Pesachdik snacks, playing Jewish music, their world famous clown Bello, sporting peyos on occasion & dancing to the voices of a bunch of yeshiva elementary boys - is something that could only happen in America.
Although I'm grateful for this, I just hope we are all cognizant of the fact that we are still in golus......

Matzo Is Not Beneficial For the Digestive Tract

This is the picture BEFORE we all ate GENEROUS k'zaysim of matzo. Don't we look happy? 'Nuff said......
But I should mention that sedorim were WONDERFUL!!!!!!
Family, friends, words of torah, rousing renditions of Chad Gadya and Adon Olam and minimal wine spillage {grin}.

Almost Done!

Chag Kasher V'sameach!!