Friday, February 1, 2008

Just Say "NO!" To Dumbing Down for Shidduchim

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night at a chassunah. Chasssunahs seem to be the place where all conversations turn to shidduchim (of course with all the separate seatings and bullet-proof barriers, the likelihood of any young singles actually meeting is nearly nil...but that's a conversation for another time). She has a very lovely, fine, frum, intelligent, attractive and cultured daughter. Unfortunately, she is looking for a "learning boy" who appreciates all she has going for her.

Problem!!! The current batch of learning boys, in my mind, are far less educated, worldly and knowledgable (gemara aside) than young ladies such as this. These young ladies frighten the boys at best and repulse them at worst. (Horrors! A girl knows that traffic in midtown Manhattan is due to matinee day! The Yeshiva Bochur she's dating doesn't know what matinee day is.... therefore she must be a wanton woman, regardless of whether or not she herself even attends the theatre!) This becomes a frustrating dilemma for girls such as this. They *could* ostensibly dumb themselves down, but TO WHAT END?!?!? They are smart! They may "get the guy", but they will be miserable down the road. Now in truth, these girls should probably be looking for boys who are educated as they themselves are and are serious about their learning to boot, but sadly a) that's not what these girls have been taught in seminary to look for and b) as the head rav of my daughter's seminary told her when she described such a boy as what she was looking for told her, those boys are very hard to find (hence not recommended to a large number of girls) because their roshei yeshiva purport learning only and boys who try to do both are labelled "more modern"....

Where has Torah Im Derech Eretz gone?

Where has the sanity gone?

When will the vicious cycle end?

What can each of us do to help?

No comments: